I visited some chap's gardening website the other day and sat through a five-minute video on asparagus planting. Prepare the soil, mulch, dig, double dig, weed, hill up, gently lay, blah blah blah.
I could have told him -- nothing on earth will respect you if you're always on your hands and knees. Be a man; kick a little asparagus butt. And that goes for zukes, and cukes, and tomatoes.
Over time, I've developed and refined my own theory on how to grow vegetables. Coddling isn't part of the mix.
I shake my vegetable seedlings out of their plastic pots and onto a bench, and give them 'the talk.'
"Look," I say, "around here there’s no nurture, only nature. I’m going to drop you in a shallow pit, shovel a bit of dust on your head, and the rest is up to you. I’m not going to lie and say things will get better -- they won't. Things will always be too cold or too hot; too wet or too dry.
"The choice will be yours, whether to live or die. Neither option is perfect. Even if you choose the former, I’ll be eating your children."
Self-respect -- it's what's for dinner.
